randomness

So I'm for sure not going to deny that I have been one to seek out drama and to try to keep drama in my life when it would clearly be better if it went away. But I do like to think that that side of me is in the past. So it seriously frustrates me when I'm just getting over one stressful part of my life only to hit yet another.

Aren't banks supposed to be able to add? Just wondering b/c they can't.

I've decided that it is probably a good thing that I'm uber-nervous about my new job. You'd think that I'll be sure to pay extra close attention to my work now and what not. I think I would have more of a reason to be worried if I wasn't nervous. Now I understand that I need to prove myself as opposed to thinking that I have it all taken care of--until I get a reality check that reminds me that I have no idea what I'm doing. Meh.

Shit has been pissing me off lately. Sometimes the same old same old gets boring. Sometimes people's jackass side comes out more often than usual. Sometimes I let my temper get the best of me.

Sometimes I wish I had that circle of friends who understand me the way we used to be. You know, the girlfriends that you can bitch about things to and they won't automatically try to fix it--they just tell you how right you are and how wrong the other person is. The group of people who can tell by the tone of your voice that you are getting pissed and they will stop whatever they were doing to piss you off. The group of people who understand how it feels when you get lame cramps and how you feel ugly because you're bloated but you still want people to tell you you're pretty.

Haven't had that in awhile. And I don't want to sound like I'm complaining about the friends that I do have because they are amazing...but sometimes I wonder if they guys that I'm close with can really understand me and where I'm coming from if they have never seen life the way that I see it, you know? Maybe it's me. I've convinced myself that it was the other person's fault each time I've lost touch with a good girlfriend. But maybe it really is my fault.

Erg.

Final thought of the day:

I've spent so long being modest about the accomplishments in my life. I don't want to make people feel bad about doing poorly in college or not going to college at all, so I've made comments like, "Oh, I'm just a communication major. You'd be close to graduation if you were a communication major." Now I wish I hadn't said those things...not because I want to seem better than other people, but because I really have done a lot to get to this point. I still don't want people to feel inadequate, but sometimes I have to wonder if they just want sympathy. I'll say it now, and I've said it before, if you don't go to college then that doesn't make you dumb or mean that you won't be successful. It means that college wasn't for you. If you aren't doing well in college or if it seems too difficult for you, then the fact that you are hanging with it says more about your character than virtually anything I've ever done.

I dunno...that rant was about no one in particular. It's just that I've always seen people get rewarded for good grades or for graduating high school or even college. And it's just kind of been expected of me to get good grades, to graduate high school and to graduate college. So I just figured that it wasn't cause for celebration.

Eff that. I'm proud.